8.24.2007

O Tombo

POR GUSTAVO SOARES, O J

Banksy

Bate e volta numa quinta-feira, sozinho, acordando às 4h50. Às 6h30 você está pisando na areia. Na segunda onda percebe que esqueceu de fechar o zíper do long john, tamanha a fissura de entrar na água. Mar de 1 metro, o sol sobe na hora que você vara a arrebentação. Você surfa bem, espera a da série para sair do mar, sai bem, enrola a cordinha, caminha leve.
Aí chega na pedra, debaixo da qual escondeu sua chave duas horas antes. A chave sumiu. Você pensa: FU-DEU. Chegando na vaga onde seu carro deveria estar você põe a prancha na calçada e tenta respirar fundo. Mas o ódio cegaaaaaaaa, como dizia uma música esquisitaça dos anos 80.
Bem ao lado tem dois caras que estão fazendo o que você queria estar fazendo: se enxugando, colocando roupas secas, sorrindo e se preparando para ir embora depois da session. Eles não viram nada, são solidários, ligam para a polícia, você tenta respirar fundo, o long john está mais apertado do que nunca.
Sua cabeça começa a fazer um inventário de tudo que foi junto com o carro. Tinha uma bermuda comprada na Califa que você gostava. O iPod shuffle, melhor playlist da história. A grana e os cartões. As roupas que você iria vestir para poder trabalhar dali a uma hora e meia. O saquinho com as bananas para depois do surf.
Você descobre que tem polícia ali perto, chega lá correndo, com a prancha debaixo do braço, tentando não ser dramático. Os guardas ficam comovidos, você usa o telefone da PM e cancela cartão, liga pra seguro, liga pro banco. Repete seu CPF, RG e endereço mais de 30 vezes.
Tem a parte engraçada, que é andar no banco de trás do camburão, para ir à "Central" registrar a ocorrência. De neoprene e com o bico da prancha saindo pela janela. Todo mundo repara num surfista indo em cana, devem imaginar que o Fora Haole! está vigorando com toda a força no Guarujá. Em menos de duas horas uma viatura encontra o carro. Vazio, roubaram até o estepe. Deixaram o papelzinho do pedágio e o documento do carro, os vagabundos foram profissionais.
O chaveiro diz que já atendeu a mais de 80 casos de surfistas em 4 anos – e contando só clientes da Porto Seguro, imagina os outros - ele faz questão de enfatizar. Um soldado checa o cinzeiro, está vazio porque os ladrões checaram antes. O outro comenta que esse é o crime típico do Tombo. Deixa escapar: "Outro dia foi igualzinho, também era um playboy que estava surfando". Playboy.
Você dá seu jeito de voltar para São Paulo, depois de passar quase seis horas de calor dentro da roupa de borracha. Você conta para um amigo o que aconteceu e, enquanto repassa todos os acontecimentos caóticos do dia, consegue lembrar que tinha um metrinho na série, abrindo. Que no Waves tinha altas fotos. E que estava clássico, apesar de terem roubado até o saquinho com as bananas.

50 comentários:

Nico disse...

Esse crime é universal Gustavo, por aqui tambem ta havendo cada vez mais...belo blog, abraço de Portugal

Anônimo disse...

JJ sei que essa historia e seria mas lendo nao consegui parar de rir.

Real

Anônimo disse...

É porque eu nao te falei quanto custa uma cópia da chave codificada na concessionária. Aí sim você ía rir.

Gustavo

Felipe Mortara disse...

Putz, que zica!
O Tombo num dá mais... na real, a pedra que vc deve ter colocado a chave deve ter sido colocada pelos caras pra você colocar a chave ali. Planejamento é tudo nessa vida.
Tem amigo meui que cai na agua com a chave magnetica e tudo, estilo foda-se. (ah, falando nisso: http://dicamelim.blogspot.com/)

Anônimo disse...

Que merda hein brou. Pelo menos foi depois do surf!

Anônimo disse...

No guaru a malandragem envolve até os porteiros dos prédios! experimente pedir para um porteiro guardar sua chave enquanto vc surfa...aconteceu com o carro de uma amigo...e eu tava junto no bate...prejuuu! tbm ja estive na DP vestindo o john... mas agt vai fazer oq? bate volta pra São Sebá?
Nem a pau juvenal...e até la acontece isso...

Pedro Costacurta

Anônimo disse...

Fala Felipe,

Guy me mandou seu blog. Bacana. Parabéns.

E quanto ao Tombo, valeu a dica.
Pensando pelo lado positivo, ao menos rendeu um puta texto. Parabéns.

Um abraço,

Miguel Bemfica

Anônimo disse...

po brother.. foda! aki em sc tem us pico foda pra esconde a chavinha... os cara são profissa! jah levei cagasso desses mais nunca mais! chave soh no long.. abraços!

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